Coming off his recent Oscar-night adulation and triumphal return visit to Capitol Hill, the ever-expanding Al Gore has disclosed plans to start work on a new documentary film, this one about U.S. schools. Gore told a thinly-attended (once he said, for the eighteenth time, that he's "probably" not running for president) press conference that the new work, to be titled Also Inconvenient: Not Being Able to Read, will profile three schools and show how rising temperatures in their classrooms are leading to falling test scores. "It's inconceivable," said Gore. "We have young kids trying to do math, and they're sweating all over their notebooks! We've got classrooms that are so saturated with the scent of people in need of showers that students can barely inhale, let alone diagram sentences. And then, after burning all those fossil fuels, the government comes in and says to principals ‘Uh oh, you didn't make AYP.' It's just not right." The former Vice President, flanked by a stoic Leonardo DiFrappuccino and a dazed Paris Sheraton, also announced his new initiative to supply every U.S. school with wind-powered fans by 2014. Asked by one reporter how he managed to lead such a virtuous existence, Gore placed his hand over his heart and said, "This is my guide." Then he began to cry.
"Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Gore," by Zoe Truli-Blond, People, March 27, 2007
"This man will save us all," by Dylan Auden, Hollywood Reporter, March 28, 2007
"Al and Paris, Hot ‘n Heavy," by Sleazy McSleazerson, TMZ.com, March 27, 2007