It’s official: If you eat too many Girl Scout cookies, you won’t be a Thin Mint. Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity campaign has released statistics on the family favorites and the bottom line is…heavy. “We don’t want unhealthy children who can’t Tagalong with their friends. Just say ‘No’ to Samoas, kids,” she explained during a recent press conference. “I certainly wouldn’t be able to Do-Si-Do on the dance floor with my Barry if I overindulge, Thank You Berry Munch.” She does acknowledge how important the cookies are for the Girl Scouts’ bottom line but she insists that they’re bad for Girl Scouts’ bottoms. “There are other ways to say Thanks A Lot,” the First Lady explains. Obama’s plan may be Trefoiled, however, by The Bakery, Confectionary, Tobacco Workers, and Grain Millers International Union (BCTGM), which has started a loud “Main Street Supports the Girl Scouts” counter-campaign, arguing that Obama is Lemon Chalet-Crème-ing the jobs of hard-working (and often svelte) men and women across the land. But FLOTUS is firm: “We’ll go another Daisy Go Round on this issue before I give up.”
“Girl scout cookies declared harmful to health,” White House press release, February 20, 2010