We want to thank Gadfly readers who gleefully joined our Name that Union! contest.
First off, we acknowledge the many NEA members who supplied their own descriptions of their organization - and expressed their displeasure with us. Welcome to the Gadfly, and we sincerely hope you keep reading. Indicative of the breed was an entry from Lily Eskelsen suggesting that the National Education Association be seen as "The Hope of America. (And shame on you.)" Fortunately (for her and us), it's a free country.
We admit being surprised by the number of entries that played on the NEA's initials - variations on the theme of "Never Educate Anybody" or "No Education Allowed." The sheer volume of entries along those lines means we had to disqualify them all from winning, since clearly a theme repeated so frequently doesn't meet the standard of unique wittiness. Still, a couple of entries stood out, including an anonymous phrase-maker's "Novu Educated Ass." It's not without a certain pedantic charm. And Clay Stiles's "Neurotic but Employed Agitators" reinvigorates well-trodden ground with a flash of wit.
Another common theme was misspelling NEA slogans or stand-ins for the NEA's initials. Ray Shelor suggested "We teche the children," while "Not Edukatin Anyone" comes from A.J. and Kelly Haas. Again, just not quite what we were looking for. (Though such entries rang truer when we came upon one from an NEA supporter that closed with, "Through this discussing [sic] contest you reveal who you really are.")
A few entries get points for phrasing and style, but lose out on content. We think especially of Bob Eden's "No child's behind left," which means something, we think, though we're not sure what. Perhaps caning. Others were rich in content but not especially stylish; for example, Professor Martin Kozloff's 71-word entry that closes with, "In all, a union of dunces floating in a sea of self-created sudsy twaddle sloshing endlessly between the pedagogic shores of Progressive Piffle and Simply Stupid." A tad Victorian for us, but a noteworthy effort.
Though we said that entrants need not confine themselves to war-on-terror similes, our two honorable mentions and one grand prize winner all turn out to have a martial twist. First up, as an honorable mention, is Cara Lyons Lege's entry, "NEA: A Band of Bothers." Getting there, and very good, though not quite as pithy as we were looking for. The entry of one Harold E. Ford (who is, we are assuming, not the Congressman from Tennessee's Ninth District) edges out Cara's because of its critical element of timeliness and relevance: "Massive Intelligence Failure." But there was one clear winner, we thought, an entry that incorporated economy, wit, style, relevance, and even a sly inside-baseball joke about education. That was the entry of Edward T. Rust, who termed the NEA "The Praxis of Evil." Perfect. Mr. Rust, you have named that union, and for your efforts you get the much-desired Fordham t-shirt. But to all who entered yet didn't win, we take a page from the Praxis of Evil itself and say: you should feel good about yourself despite not having prevailed, as even one who falls short deserves praise for having tried.
Thanks for playing.